One of my most fulfilling hobbies is to think of ways in which I can punish celebrities that haven’t really done anything to me personally, but nonetheless deserve cruel, unusual and rather elaborate punishments. This is pretty much everyone. Today I’ve been deliberating over the pros and cons of keeping Lady GaGa in my fish tank, it’s not very big but I have one of those fake chests that opens up and blows bubbles. Kids love it, I don’t have any kids though.
Against
1. She would scare the fish.
2. She wouldn’t fit.
3. She would attract algae.
4. She would fill it with adverts and product placement whilst still maintaining she’s controversial. This is not goof for PH levels.
5. She would probably request the water to be Evian. I prefer to use government juice.
6. She would probably need an entourage and thus a larger tank.
7. Something unoriginal about her looking like a man.
8. It would cost me a lot of money. I don’t have money to spend on keeping talentless fads alive.
9. That idiotic meat dress would cloud the water and go rotten within hours.
10. I don’t like her.
For
1. She could drown.
2. She could fit if I broke her legs.
3. I can’t hear her sing when she’s in a fish tank.
4. She could take care of my water changes.
5. I don’t like her.
6. That idiotic meat dress would cloud the water and go rotten within hours.
7. I could take pictures and send them to her 12 year old fans, or her family, depending on who would offer the highest amount for her release.
8. It would give me a great sense of satisfaction. Although it’s only one out of a billion useless, non entity, creativity sucking, mind dumbing, musical monstrosities removed from the collective genepool of profit driven suck ups that pollute the industry.
9. Lilly Allen would kick up too much of a fuss, probably write a shit song about it in that annoying talky I’m just a normal girl slightly less annoying than my dad type voice.
10. I could enter it as piece of abstract art at the Tate Modern.
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